This morning, severe palpitations caused me to awaken. I have no recollection of having had a disturbing dream.
Is this what the physical expression of anxiety feels like?
I glance at my alarm, it’s only 4:15am!
I’ve had my share of trauma the past few years and recently the stress causing factors have increased abruptly and significantly, but this new symptom is rather disturbing. I breathe deeply, trying to calm my racing heart and now, also my racing thoughts.
Experience has proved, that once I’m awake there is no chance of falling asleep again and so I try to calm myself with pleasant thoughts. However anything so deliberate, usually backfires as it feels so untrue.
Then, I become faintly aware of the most Heavenly birdsong, which gradually increases in volume, and I indulge myself in the pleasant and soothing intricacies of the winged genius’s delicate composition.
Now it’s 5:15am.
I can discern objects in the room and sitting on a small table, I notice my beloved book “Desert Wisdom”, nearly within arm’s reach, but not quite. I smile, there must always be some effort to receive that which you desire. It’s a Golden rule.
Now I feel happy, I love and cherish this Sacred book and I adore the Wisdom contained within it’s pages..
I leave the comfort of my bed, tenderly reach for my book and then sit down again.
My book is marked with pencil inscriptions, references and exclamation marks. I notice numerous bits of evidence, that I am an engaging and eager student.
At various spots inside the book, I have inserted lovely photographs, cards and place marks. I have to take care not to let them slip out. What was so important to warrant all these extra reminders? It warrants some investigation.
Although I never neglect my habit of reading, I have sadly neglected reading this particular book.
“Desert Wisdom” is an old friend and never complains about my neglect. Instead, I am welcomed with open pages, intellect, heart and Soul. The text is sacred and whenever I read as little as a paragraph, my Soul feels nourished and satisfied.
Whenever I open the book intuitively and at random, and my eyes meet with the words and sentences that convey the wisdom of Eons of Creation, I instantly develop a ravenous and insatiable appetite for it’s contents.
I sit patiently with my teacher, without any expectations, but as I start to connect with the Wisdom, I feel like an empty well, simply waiting to be filled.
I open the book, where I have inserted a card. It is the front of an old, folding Christmas card, which I have cut off from the rest of the card.
On the back of the card, I have written in gold:
“Somewhere in the Universe
is a note that will bring out
the melody of
your purpose in life.”
and below it, at the bottom of the page and also written in gold:
“Reserveer solank 22.2.2000 vir my eenman-uitstalling “MICHALLENIUM”.
At the top of the one page, pg 128, it says:
K.J.V. “I am the way, the Truth and the Life.”
Then I read the translation from the original Armenic version.
“I am” is the Path, the sense of true direction, and the Life force to travel..
Simple presence uncovers the hidden possibility,
opens the Circle of indecision and gets us moving.
The self conscious of it’s Self shows a way, solves the mystery
of choice, and unleashes our animal energy.
The nexus of individuality reveals a secret track,
scents which way to go, and spurs the adrenaline.
The depth of Identity illuminates what’s ahead, liberates choice, and connects us to Nature’s power.
The ego, fully aware of it’s limitations declares a road,
provides a compass, and fuels the journey.
The eye of I’s momentary swirl is the knowing, the confidence, and the vigor.
I feel energized. Many things have been illuminated and confirmed.
I gently open the book where I have inserted yet another card.
What will it’s gift be?
I am startled by what I see and what my eyes come to rest upon.
My memory is jolted. Although in principle and practice, it is in no way a part of my monumental 50 piece “Precious Circle”, it is technically the 51st collage and which I created during 1999. It was made for the following year, the Millenium – 2000
This card was inserted between pages 34 and 35.
I read about the meaning of the words Malkuteh d’Alaha = The ‘I can’ of the Cosmos. The combined sense of creative fire & willingness to take responsibility for an idea or vision
all ruling visions that can dominate the collective mind of Humanity.
I can hardly contain my emotions and wonder, realizing how finely tuned this moment has been orchestrated for me, exactly on this momentous morning, of another day of 2’s: